Communication is the tur-KEY!

Let’s start with the moral of the story first!  I am tired of feeling guilty.  Guilty because you morons who call yourself related cannot or are afraid to or are just too stupid to communicate with one another.  Which one is it and, honestly, what is the worst that can happen?  You don’t hear the answer you want and you get your sissy la la ass offended.  Really in this day and time you don’t even need to HEAR it you will all just text each other anyway and you will just see it on a screen, assume a sarcastic tone, not speak for months again, and you can just delete the freaking text.  So, this seems to be an ongoing problem with so many situations big or small but it just tends to be magnified around the holidays whether it be Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas…whatever.  Well…I’m over it.  There really is no set rule book when it comes to who has to dip their toe in the water first…youngest, oldest, the mom, the dad, the grandparents, the family with the biggest house, the family that was the host the year before.  Let’s just suck it up buttercup and pick a date like maybe 30 days before the big day and talk that shit out or else I will tell you what my daughter was told in daycare.  “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.”  Let me be honest, if we don’t talk all year I really have no idea who does what, what you expect, or who’s year it is to go to who’s significant other’s house and please don’t assume that just because my parent’s and I are “close” that I will be shoved up their butts.  They will drop me like a hot potato if Carnival has a cheap 12 day cruise and I really don’t blame them because guess who is working on escaping next Christmas. So stick that in your holiday pipes and smoke it.  I did my norm and hung back and just waited for the cards to fall where they may this Thanksgiving.  Not because I am an asshole but because our house is a mess and I really don’t feel like getting it entertainment ready again and I have that freedom as an American.  Right?   It’s all good and my day will be a quiet one.  Tried to pimp myself out to a couple of friend’s houses but I was really just teasing them although a Friendsgiving may be in the works for next year at this point.  Our house was never a tradition anyway.  We just pitched in the last couple years once on the big day and once on Black Friday since, of course, the actual day didn’t suit all involved.  Oh drat!!  So, here is the holiday deal.  If you are over 18 nobody is obligated to feed you.  If you have your own house nobody is obligated to feed you.  If you have had children of your own, have grandchildren, or technically have your own “family” household nobody is obligated to feed you.  Meaning, regardless of whose imaginary turn it may be in someone’s head there is no obligation for anyone to call you to check to see if you are getting stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.  364 days is a long time for things to change in people’s lives, people get sick, their lives may be in disarray, their house may not be in the best shape at the time, many events can keep a traditional Martha Stewart event from occurring so please, even if it means a conference call out of convenience, just pick up the ever loving phone and take some time out of your precious day to hash it out.  And if I have invited you 2 years in a row and you have dissed me you are never on the list again.  I was told I was a heathen but phony relatives who apparently like spending time with my friends who drink your kool-aid more than their own family…..well?  I’ve done the math.  Fake is apparently the latest trend and I like to be different so I will continue to just be the realest bitch you will ever meet!  Peace and have a great holiday.

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” George Bernard Shaw